Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
