In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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