I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
