I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize