She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
