I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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