No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
