Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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