why didn't you poke me back
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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