so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
