Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
