do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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