Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
