Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
