I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
