nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
