he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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