My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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