god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
