If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
