I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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