Having a random hookup so left but love u
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
