I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
