woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will be naked everywhere
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pants are for mortals
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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