She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
