So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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