I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
