mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
