The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
