He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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