I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
