youre lurking in front of me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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