I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
