You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
