first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't deserve a penis
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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