The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
