I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
