I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
