Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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