pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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