1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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