Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
