I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
