the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
