Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
