You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
