it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
