I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
