He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
