ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
