if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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