Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
two words: eviction party
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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