If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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