your room smells of hookers.
And success
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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