you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
