White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
