Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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