I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
not ubering you a puppy
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