I cannot find my penis.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
