nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize