i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
