Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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