I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
