there was a trapeze. enough said
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize