I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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