dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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