literally had 100 drinks last night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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