saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
